Thoughts: New Year's Resolution to Half a Year's Introspection

This new year, i made a resolution. I called it a counter-intuitive resolution.

 I wanted something i haven't had in a long time. It's counter-intuitive, because i could never have it. I could, but i wouldn't. There are circumstances beyond my moral reasoning.

 I'm too nice for my own good. I believed that your happiness shouldn't be at the expense of another. How can you be happy if you're taking something away from someone's idea of happiness?

 Anyway, i figured it's an easy resolution to make. Plus, it's one resolution i would gladly fail.
If I fail at it, I win. If succeed, well, too bad. The months came, i keep succeeding. It's like winning but it's heart-breaking at the same time.

 I've learned a lot these past few months. I've rediscovered emotions that have been unfamiliar to me in a long time. I feel i'm more aware now. 

 I have this thought i typed in my phone: May 23, 2014 

 "It's a positive thing to know you have the capacity to live through failures and disappointments"

 I am grateful for things that i have. I am grateful for people that i get to share this life with.

 I learned to enjoy the moment also. The present. Louis CK once said. "There's going to be a day when you're not going to do this again. When that day comes, you're going to miss this". 
That line stuck with me. There really is going to be a day when you're not going to do this again. Even the hard times, sure you don't want to go through them again, but in a way you'll still miss it. Because this period taught you something. 10 years from now. I'm probably going to miss this day. I haven't done much but it's still a part of me now. 

 I learned to stop being angry. To myself and anyone else i perceive the anger. It's easy to be angry. It's a shortcut. But it never quite feels complete.

 And a letter: June 16, 2014

 "To my future whoever, 

 I'm sorry it's taking long to find me. As much as I'm getting impatient to meet you, I ask you not to be.

 Wherever you are right now, I want you to know, I'm thinking of you. I wonder if you're thinking of me too.

 Until we meet, i'm just going to be here. I'm going to try to be still. Take care of yourself while we're still strangers. Know that life is hard, but keep living regardless."

 So as i promised. I'm going to try to be still.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Culture Code by Daniel Coyle (2018)

Image
TL;DR: Great cultures are built on Safety, shared Vulnerability, and an established Purpose In the self-help space, these things come up again and again: Safety, Purpose, Meaning. Whether in looking at leadership, or to an individual's path to success, happiness, well-being, the literature seems pretty set on what it sees upon as the standards. And this book falls in line with those standards. This book was great. Daniel Coyle is a great storyteller. When you can blend abstract ideas with concrete examples, and get a good balance, it gets digested much easier. This book reads pretty easily too. It seemed to be built to be simple and structured.
Read more

what ever happens, I'm happy now.

and i'm now 24. I'm still young enough to mess up and make up for lost time, but old enough to know not to. I try and look back at what my past 24 years has been. That's easier nowadays, i think. To look back, i n this day and age of social media.  Especially if you've documented every few days of what's happening with you.   But as they say, it's only the bright sides you see on social media. Which I believe is mostly true.  I think I've learned more importantly, that life isn't always the bright sides. Because really, it's not. Yes, to look on the bright side as a focus is a good thing. But to expect everything to be that is not. We will never have everything we want. There will always be failures. There will be disappointments. There will be bad days. But the idea is to never stop trying. because, what else is there? I think i'm more aware now than when I was younger. But i also think i don't know as much as when I would be olde...
Read more

In the Mood for Love (2000 - Hong Kong)

I can't remember now how many times I've seen In the mood for love. "If there's an extra ticket, would you go with me?"  Again, at missed connections. i think it's a bigger tragedy than unrequited love. A missed connection suggests that, a love could have flourished. both people want it, but for whichever reason, the connection never quite contacted. Looking deeper into the last few scenes. Mr. Chow, decides to leave for Singapore. Leaves a message for Mrs. Chan. "If there's an extra ticket, would you go with me?" Mrs. Chan, goes to their old hotel room and finds she's too late. 3 years later in Singapore, Mrs. Chan goes into Mr. Chow's apartment, looks at the room and phones Mr. Chow. She connects. He answers. She doesn't talk.  Why? Why doesnt she answer? She spent that whole time looking for Mr. Chow. We'll never know why. Sayang! 3 years later, Mrs. Chan returns to their old apartmen...
Read more